by John Edwards

Before I realized God was calling me, I had met individuals whose words and actions did not support their claim to believe in God. I came to believe that everyone did things based on what was in it for them, and I chose to live this way too. Over time, I became something of a loner, struggling with trust issues and poor social skills.

My life began to change, however, when I started to seek help and joined a group with an individual who was willing to work with me. This person helped me see how my actions hurt others, and began to teach me how to interact with people well.

Coming to the Realization that God was calling me

For a time, I struggled with mental illness and depression. Two of my friends who were mentally ill recommended that I go to Bethany’s Wednesday Night Dinners to get good, free meals. At first, I attended very infrequently, but the good meals drew me back until I began visiting the Wednesday Night Dinners regularly.

Sometime later , after interacting with various people at the Dinners and being trusted to hold a baby, I tried out the meeting in the Library at the urging of several people, and eventually attended regularly.

One thing led to another, and I began asking people about their experience with coming to God and also experienced flipping pages in a Bible and having it open to 1-2 verses that really touched me. This eventually led me to accept God in my life.

My Life when I knew God was in it.

I am still continuing on this journey with God. Early on, I could see that the Holy Spirit was very present in my life, and I prayed a lot. I did not always obey, but I saw some interesting things happen.

For example, when preparing for an Alpha retreat, I felt like I was supposed to bring a pair of tweezers with me. I did not feel any need to bring them, so I didn’t pack them.

However, as it turned out, I found a person at the retreat sitting alone who had a sliver in his hand, and we had to resort to using a regular pocket knife to get it out.

Another time , while on a bus, I asked God if I should stop to visit my girlfriend and I felt God say “no.” I still got off the bus to see her, and discovered that she did not want to see me that day. It was interesting to pray and get so many answers.

Since that time, I have also found myself struggling with temptation, and have found it hard to pray. After a lengthy process and struggle, I was able to recommit my life to God. And God has answered my prayers and made it easier for me to live life His way, even though I still struggle in many ways. I now know, however, that without God and God’s help, my life would be much more difficult and filled with much less joy.