by Pastor Dan Baumgartner

The wise are cautious and turn away from evil, but the fool throws off restraint and is careless. - Proverbs 14:16

Restraint. It seems to be the latest causality of the pendulum swings that American culture embraces so regularly. Yesterday’s taboo is today’s favorite behavior, and vice versa.

Case in point: “expressing what you feel.” Baby boomers like me are the product of what some call “the silent generation.” Our parents, roughly those born in the World War II era, rarely talked about things of emotional depth, men were not to cry, family secrets were kept in sometimes destructive silence and appearances were held in highest regard.

In a powerful reaction to the perceived hypocrisy of our parents’ generation, mine went drastically the other way. Determined that our kids would not have to bear the same mantle, boomers raised their kids to share all feelings, men were encouraged to show emotion, and airing one’s brokenness and dirty laundry became a badge of authenticity. Repress nothing.

Perhaps we’ve gotten exactly what we asked for. We now have a culture that no longer values or perhaps even knows how to show restraint. The writer of Proverbs calls this foolish. I call it painful. A championship tennis player, Serena Williams, loses the prestigious U.S. Open by forfeiting the last point after viciously cussing out a line judge who ruled against her. The expletive-laced video is replayed by America’s youth millions of times on You-tube. This is a sports hero.

A member of the U.S. House of Representatives from South Carolina, Joe Wilson, totally interrupts a major speech of the president of the United States and shouts out “You lie!” He apologizes privately to the president but refuses to do so publicly. This is a leader.

Superstar musician Kanye West rushes back onto stage (and not coincidentally, in front of the television cameras) to ruin another performer’s acceptance speech of an award West thought undeserved. This is a celebrity.

Across the nation , town hall meetings of various types begin to turn into chaotic shouting matches because people will not or cannot restrain their emotions or words to engage in conversation. This is civil debate.

With these kinds of behaviors accepted as “just honest,” or “passionate” or “within my rights,” consider what our kids are absorbing from their role models. Is it any wonder at all when our youth openly defy their teachers? Disrespect friends openly? Dialogue by shouting?

Webster’s says that to restrain means “to hold back or keep in check; control.”

If the cultural pendulum is out of whack, where will our children see restraint modeled out? At home? In Christian teachers, coaches, businesspeople, politicians who can show restraint and live graciously in a land where ungraciousness abounds? Will they find examples of holding one’s tongue, listening well, allowing others to disagree or subduing anger?

When Jesus dealt with people, he seemed to recognize that the kingdom of God wasn’t going to come about by out-shouting, out-arguing or out-muscling those who opposed him. Somehow he was able to restrain his tongue and emotions without neglecting his purpose.

The excesses of his culture didn’t dictate who he was or how he would act or speak.

Lord, help us be “quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19). Give us the discipline to restrain our tongues, our voices, our actions for your sake and the sake of those around us. Help us to model for our kids a different way. And help us know the difference between unhealthy repression and godly restraint. Amen.