Kids at the Lord's Supper: If, Who, When and How?

By Pastor Dan Baumgartner
written 1998, revised 2002

It’s the first or third Sunday of the month at Bethany, and that means it’s Communion Sunday. It also means a dilemma for some of us! If you are a parent of a child between say, three and twelve, you have probably wondered about the appropriate way to handle the following questions:

“Dad, can I have some juice?”

“Why does Johnny get to take communion and I don’t? It’s not fair!”

“Mom, why do you eat bread in church?”

Or, perhaps in anticipation of such questions, you have daydreamed (or had nightmares) over the day your child dropped their grapejuice-soaked wafer onto the carpet and held up the communion lines for what seemed like an hour. All of which begs the question: How do we deal with children and the Lord’s Supper?

I want to acknowledge right up front that the issue of communion (the Lord’s Supper) has historically caused more division within the Christian community than we would ever dream! What it means, how it is to be received, who participates…all of these have been hotly debated for centuries, and perhaps in another article I will revisit those issues. For now, let’s look at the question of participation as it relates to children.

Some parts of the Church have reserved participation in the Lord’s Supper for adults only. The thinking is that communion is such a serious activity that only adults can begin to comprehend its profound meaning. Other parts of the Church use it as the culmination of the “confirmation” process. That is, in churches where infants are baptized (Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Presbyterian, etc.), kids around the age of junior high often go through “confirmation class” dealing with the basics of the faith, a commitment to Christ and a decision for church membership. Many of these churches thus automatically discourage kids younger than “confirmation” age from participating in the Lord’s Supper. Still others have children take a special class at a slightly earlier age which deals specifically with the Lord’s Supper.

Even within these different traditions, there is considerable variety of opinion and practice. To add to the confusion, as denominational distinctions continue to decline, many congregations (like Bethany) are comprised of people from many different traditions, as well as people who were not raised in the church at all. So: let’s return now to the original question. Or to put it more practically, let’s pretend you have an eight-year old daughter who is very, very interested in taking communion. Possible options:

• Have her wait until at least sixth grade (4 years from now), after a “Steps of Faith” (our version of confirmation) weekend.
• Allow her to take communion now, hoping she’ll understand that it’s more than a mid-morning snack.
• Start a “communion class” at Bethany for all eight-year olds…knowing, of course, that many eight-year olds have little interest or understanding of a relationship with Christ, let alone the Lord’s Supper.
• Something in between.

I’m going to choose “d.” Kids develop at such incredibly different rates in every way…including faith!…that it is almost impossible to categorize by age. My experience is that since children understand and accept Christ at different ages, their ability to grasp communion will differ significantly. It may be at 7 years old…or at 87! The Presbyterian Book of Order is helpful here: “Baptized children who are being nurtured and instructed in the significance of the invitation to the Table and the meaning of their response are invited to receive the Lord’s Supper, recognizing that their understanding of participation will vary according to their maturity.”

No age. Just “being nurtured in the significance” and “under instruction.”

Communion is a sacrament, an incredibly profound moment. We must walk between the landmines of cheapening the experience by pushing it on children who are not ready, and ruining it by not including those who are. How do you tell? Here’s what I think ought to precede your child taking communion:

• Your child needs to have already consciously invited Jesus into their life, and have some understanding of what that means theologically: God’s love, sin, forgiveness via the cross of Christ, heaven.
• Your child should show consistent interest in communion. If there is no repeated interest and questions over a reasonable period of time (6 months?), then don’t push it.
• Your child needs to be receiving nurture and instruction on what communion means. How do you do this? YOU are very important in this process. Your pastors and/or Director of Children’s Ministry would also love to spend an hour with you and your child to talk this through. This is NOT a test. It is a chance for your child to interact with a pastor (which we love!), and for you to work with us to determine if there really is an understanding of communion’s meaning, and if it would be the right time.

“Let the little children come to me,” Jesus said. When your kids are at a time of faith and understanding…let’s help show them the way, and be sure not to stand in it!