Sermons

---

Practical Forgiveness
May 4, 2003
Al Anderson
Matthew 18:21-35

I would like to begin by thanking you, Bethany members, for your support, prayers, encouragement and financial help during my year of cancer. I am doing very well, essentially with a clean bill of health. Although I could probably give a sermon on the lessons that I learned there, that will have to wait for another day.

Today I want to start with the three reasons that I don’t want to give this message this morning.

First, I am not primarily reformed in my thinking. My background is Catholic and charismatic. Sue’s is Methodist and Lutheran. We compromised with Presbyterian 25 years ago. I love Bethany. But of the five tenets of Calvinism which the Presbyterian church is built on I only subscribe to the first. I am a 1 point Calvinist. This passage is one of those that really challenges my beliefs. There are a lot of open questions that come from it and so, of course, this is the one I got assigned.

Secondly, I was really hoping for an intriguing parable. One like the shrewd manager where there are plot twists to unravel. Unfortunately, this one is very straightforward. And the message is incredibly challenging to boot. So my passage has no intellectual puzzle to unravel, but at least it is emotionally difficult.

Finally, it is all too applicable to me. I have been hurt by a couple of people I work with in InterVarsity. God is calling me to forgive them. And I don’t want to. I see Joseph forgiving his brothers after his many years of hardship and it challenges me. So here I am with my frustration, my anger and God’s call to forgive, with today’s passage. So please join me as I preach to myself, with the hope that you will also get something out of today’s message.

Part of Matthew 18, instructions about the new community:

Matthew 18:21-35

Then Peter came and said to him,"Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?"

Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt.

But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, 'Pay what you owe.' Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt.

When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed,and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt.

So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

The story is simple. A king calls his slaves into account for their various debts. One who owes 10,000 talents = 150,000 years labor, call it 1 billion dollars, asks for more time. MORE TIME!

I even wonder how you owe this much. Credit card debt? Oops, I just lost the Boeing Corporation...

The king has pity and forgives him the debt. Free! Walk away without debt!

But he required a fellow slave to pay 100 denarii (about $20,000), sending him to debtors prison. Ransom? Work it off? Note: The slave uses the exact same words to plead.

The king is very angry, revokes his forgiveness and turns the billion-dollar slave over to the jailers.

Jesus concludes by saying that the Father will do the same to us if we don’t forgive our fellow slaves. The parallel is clear. We are the first slave, who standing before God have an impossible debt to pay. God forgives us this debt. But we are tempted to refuse to forgive people around us, even the little that they do to us by comparison. And so Jesus suggests that our own forgiveness is at stake as we refuse to forgive.

Is that right? What about my assurance of salvation? Can my forgiveness be revoked? This passage plays havoc with all my simple theological formulas.

Maybe, he just means that the truly forgiven will forgive others. But what are the implications of this if I don’t feel like forgiving? Or if I don’t forgive?

I think we are on very dangerous ground here. Jesus is not making a suggestion. He is putting forgiveness on the line.

This is too important of a debate to leave in the hands of a single parable. What else does Jesus have to say about the necessity of forgiveness? Actually, quite a lot. And strikingly clear.

Here are some confirming passages:

Matthew 5:7

Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

The merciful will get mercy. But it doesn’t say the negative here, it doesn’t say: The unmerciful will not get mercy. It may be implied, but not said.

Matthew 6:12 from the Lord’s prayer says:

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

One could argue that “debts” is vague. But it really isn’t. It means sins. Here we ask for forgiveness “as” we forgive. The meaning of this is “in the same way or manner.” Forgive us like we forgive others.

And just so that it is crystal clear for all of us, he concludes the Lord’s prayer with these words from Matthew 6:14-15:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

We must be about forgiving people!! We must. So how do we do that?

How to’s of forgiveness (who, when, how, what abouts)
Matthew 5:23-24

So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 18:15-17

If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to,take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Who
We need to work at reconciling with everyone. We need to approach people who have wronged us and we need to approach those whom we have wronged. Who? Everyone and anyone.

When
Immediately. Jesus says that if you are in the middle of a religious service and realize that there is something between you and another, get up right now and fix it. There are probably people who should leave this service and go to fix broken relationships. I won’t insist that you make a huge deal out of it, but if Jesus is calling you, you better go. And that includes if the issue is with someone here. In that case, you should probably tap them on the shoulder, ask politely to speak with them in the narthex, and then step out and fix things. Jesus is not shocked that there are problems between church members, he expected them!

How
Face to face is best. But you will need to prepare. First, you will need to examine your own soul. What ways have you been at fault? What do you need to apologize for?. What can you begin with by way of your own responsibility? And in what ways have you sinned after the fact in holding a grudge, or bitterness? How do you need to reconcile? You also should sort out what is worth sharing. The point is to get closer to the person. There is no need to speak what will not be helpful.

In working with college students, we encourage the men to NOT confess with a female student the ways that they have lusted after her. This does not help. You don’t need to confess to someone that you think they are ugly. Not helpful. But do prepare for your confession, and also prepare a clear presentation of how you feel that they have wronged you. Be as specific as possible. Then call the person up to set up a time, telling them that you wish to meet to reconcile. This is good for two reasons. It lets them be prepared. It also commits you so that you do have to go through it. Finally, meet with them and share the problem with them. Pray. Be quick to forgive!

What abouts?
If they don’t offer an apology/accept an apology/wish to meet? Forgive them anyway and be done with it. Offer your apology and go. You have been faithful. You did what you were called to do.

If they are dead? Go to their gravesite, or their home, or a place that reminds you of them and tell them what you would have told them if they were alive. And forgive them. Again, you are doing your half.

It is too painful? You must do this still. I am sorry.

If my feelings are not there? Will first, emotions later. It may take years to heal the emotional pains. But you can choose to forgive today. Do so.