Sermons

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Why Do You Doubt?
May 25, 2003
Sermon Series in the Gospel of Matthew
Pastor Dan Baumgartner
Matt 14:22-33

We continue in our series on the Gospel of Matthew, this morning with the second of three “Questions that Jesus asked of people.” This can actually be read like a 3-act play:

• Act I v22-27
• Act II v28-29
• Act III v 30-33

In the year 1993, Anne and I sold our house, I quit my job of 10 years, we packed up our very young kids and we started driving across the country to New Jersey to go to seminary to become a pastor. At some point in the next 3000 miles, it suddenly dawned on us. We were absolutely crazy. All we heard were doubts. Was that really God we had heard? And if so, why were we so scared? And once we arrived in New Jersey, not knowing anyone, not being able to find a church we were comfortable in, having the humidity suck every ounce of energy out of us, being frustrated with school classes, we were convinced of only two things:

1. we were scared to death
2. we were spiritual wimps

Anyone with strong faith would obviously finding confidence and reassurance in God. At one point, we weren’t even sure God resided in New Jersey! And we felt guilty we were doubting.

Jesus says: “Take heart. It is I. Do not be afraid.”

Would the sight of Jesus coming across the stormy sea been comforting to a bunch of frightened disciples in a boat as they bailed water? I don’t know. Clearly, they were afraid. In fact, they were already afraid before they saw what they at first thought was a ghost. They had just been part of a huge miracle where Jesus had fed 5,000 people with two loaves and five fish. And while Jesus stayed to say goodbye to the crowd, he ordered them to depart across the sea. They were late getting started, and a little reluctant to go without their leader. They grew apprehensive as it grew dark and the wind came up and the wind pushed against them and it was all they could do to stay afloat. They were a mile or two away from land. And Someone (or something) comes walking across the water. Apprehension gives way to fear. This is not just unexpected…it was terrifying.

Susan was terrified…she felt like an utter failure. Her mother was very sick, and she knew it was a perfect time for her faith to take over. She knew it was time to pray in utter confidence. It was time to believe, and not doubt. And she couldn’t help it. A voice kept feeding her questions: Is God in this anywhere? Can God do anything about it? And whether He can or not, does He really care about my mom?...or me?

It was terrifying to wonder about the answers to those questions.
When Jesus sees the fear in the disciples, he says three things. The first and the third simply name what is going on and oppose it. The disciples have no courage and they are afraid, and so Jesus says: Have courage…Do not be afraid. But the middle word: IT IS I. More literally, Jesus says simply I AM. It is a word of both presence and identity. It is the reason the other two can happen…the disciples can have courage and not be afraid…because Jesus says I Am. This statement, in fact, is not only the middle of these three things…but are in fact at the exact center of this entire passage that we have read. Ninety-some words before, ninety-some words after. IT IS I, or I AM is something very important.

They are the same words that Jesus uses in John 8:58, “Before Abraham was, I AM,” words that nearly had him stoned because people recognized them as words of God Himself.

They are the same words Jesus uses when he says I AM the bread of life (John 6:35)…for which he also made enemies.

They are the same words Jesus uses when he says I AM the light of the world. He was opposed for that as well, challenged because they were words that connected him directly with God.

They were the equivalent of the Old Testament words in Isaiah 43, I AM the Lord your God, and the same words God speaks to Moses from the burning bush (Exodus 3), and tells him His name: I AM who I am. In the midst of fear and doubt, Jesus says not only, “I’m here,” but “Remember WHO I am.”

In the midst of OUR times of doubting, wondering, looking for God and not feeling Him near…we need to remember as well…to rehearse who this God is, and what He has done. In the Old Testament, the refrain for the Israelites sounded like this: I AM the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

Over and over, it is remembered. The continuation of the Passover Meal to this day recalls that whatever else may be going on, that God is the God who saved His people, who acted on their behalf and saved them through the Passover and the exodus.

Structurally, WE have places in our worship that help us with the same thing.

During Advent, we celebrate in a number of ways that God is the God who came to this earth…and who will come again. Every time we share in communion, we experience God and we relive Jesus’ description of his sacrifice for us. At Easter, we remember that God not only paid the costliest price for us, but he destroyed the finality of death.

Part of the function of Christian community is to continue to rehearse and remind one another of WHO THIS GOD is…that we may doubt or feel far from. What would that sound like for you? How would you help someone else remember?

“I remember how God didn’t leave my side when my loved one was sick…I didn’t realize how near God was until long after.”

“God somehow took the darkest time of my life and brought something rich and beautiful out of the midst of it…I don’t want to forget that.”

“I was overwhelmed that God would forgive me after what I did.”

These are ways that we remember WHO God is…in times of doubt. Sometimes we need to help each other remember.

Jesus says to Peter: I AM. It must have had quite an impact, because it causes Peter to climb out of a boat that is a mile or two offshore, in a storm! Now, I don’t think there is any other way to read this story than to put ourselves into it, and ask ourselves if we are more like Peter…or more like the rest of the guys that stay in the boat.

Peter has taken criticism for centuries because he was foolhardy, because he acted before he thought. But I have to tell you, I think that as Peter climbs out of the boat…Jesus has a big smile on his face. Frederick Buechner defines FAITH as “not always being sure where we are going, but going there anyway.” I believe that life with Jesus has everything to do with taking risks. And I’m painfully aware that so much of my life, I have been cautious. It’s not hard to find myself in this story. I’m planted firmly in that boat, WITH my life preserver on. I’m interested, mind you. But whereas Peter says, “Jesus, command me to come and I will,” I suspect I would have yelled something like, “Jesus, guarantee me that I won’t go under, promise me the water won’t be too cold…and I’ll think about it for a couple days, and eventually I’ll probably come.” I don’t think I’m alone here.

Peter is going to hit his big moment of doubt, absolutely…but he only gets there because he is willing to be obedient and take a risk. You see, if he hadn’t climbed out of the boat, he wouldn’t have had to deal with the doubt. Wilbur Reese once imagined the safety that so many of us crave, when he wrote:

“I’d like to buy $3 worth of God, please. Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep. But just enough to equal a warm cup of milk or a snooze in the sunshine…I want ecstasy, not transformation. I want the warm of the womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of eternal life in a paper bag. I’d like just $3 worth of God, please.”

Not Peter. He just starts walking.

Most of you have probably seen the first Lord of the Rings movie. At the very end, there’s this great picture of Frodo the Hobbit, trying to leave by himself across a lake in a boat. His friend Sam discovers him, and is convinced he should be with him. So he just wades into the water, clothes, hobbit cloak and everything. Out in the boat, Frodo says, “Sam, you can’t swim!” That doesn’t slow Sam down at all. He keeps wading in until he’s over his head. Then he tries to swim, but you know what? He really can’t! And he’s going under for the last time when Frodo’s hand comes through the water and grabs him, and pulls him to safety.

It seems like that might be more of what Jesus wants with some of us. We can live life, have some nice, careful spiritual experiences…and probably not run into too many doubts. Or we can just plunge in, and trust as best we can.

One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, says it this way,

The Jesus of my journey will never say to me, “Brennan, you were too reckless, you confided in me too much, you trusted me beyond reasonable limits, you hope too much of me.” No, the Christ of my life would never say that. You see, the litany of His saving acts of lovingkindness in my life gives firm support to reckless confidence.

I have to tell you that this hits very close to home for me. I’m really sure exactly what it means…only that as I worked with this story this week…the thought would not go away that I have been living far too carefully lately. And I’m tired of it. Tired of minimizing risk and keeping my doubts at arms length…because I’m safely in the boat.

So Peter walks on water, and as has often been observed, does well as long as he keeps his eyes on Jesus. It’s only when he gets distracted, only when he notices the wind and waves…that he begins to sink. Peter, in fact, is a living example of the parable of the sower. He’s the seed that falls among the thorns. At first it begins to grow and bear fruit…but then the cares of the world (waves, wind) choke it, and it yields nothing. And then Peter makes has his smartest move. He calls on Jesus: “Lord, save me!” In his moment of greatest doubt, he shouts out the ultimate promise of the God he knows. He is the God who saves. And he doesn’t wait. Jesus saves IMMEDIATELY, saves Peter before he teaches him or admonishes him. He is there immediately for Peter. Jesus saves his people.

Not that Peter gets away without a little rebuke. You of little faith, Jesus says. Why did you doubt?

It’s the question for today. Literally the word means, “Why are you divided in two? Why are you torn?

Some of you know I’m coaching a baseball team this spring, 13-14 year olds. At Friday’s game, I was coaching third base, and we had a runner on second. The ball was hit to the third basemen. My runner on second crept off and edged off…he was almost halfway to third. The third baseman has the ball, but doesn’t appear to have seen the runner. He REALLY wants to get to third. And just when he’s halfway…the third baseman sees him. It’s like team freezes. He doesn’t know what to do. He is caught between wanting to take the risk of advancing to third AND he wants to not leave the safety of second base.

Doubt doesn’t just mean disbelief, but believing two things at once that can’t both be true.

Why did you doubt, Peter? Why did you believe I would call you out on the water, but not help you? Dan, why did you believe I would call you to New Jersey, but not provide for you? Susan, why did you think I would not walk with you in a difficult time when I have done it your whole life?

Why do you doubt? It’s our question for today.

Why do you doubt? When you feel far from God? When your prayer is not answered? When you see all the evil present in the world.

I have to tell you…I think it is a normal thing to doubt. Peter doubted. When the resurrected Jesus appeared to his disciples at the end of Matthew…some worshipped him…others doubted too. They were of two minds. They saw him, but they wouldn’t see him. They believed he was alive and they knew he was dead. They doubted.

I believe it is a normal, even a necessary part of faith to doubt…if we are living out a risky faith. If we follow Peter, we step WITH our doubts…towards God, and entrust them to him. For me the question becomes: Will we walk THROUGH our doubts, and continue walking?

Life with Christ is a lifetime journey, not just snapshot of how we feel at one time or another. But sometimes we treat Jesus unlike we would treat anyone else. You would never be in a long-term friendship, and after every single disagreement say, “Well, I don’t know if Susan likes me. I have to think about whether I can continue this friendship.”

Those of you who are married, you would never sit down to evaluate every week and say, “Well, there was a rough moment here. I doubt I can stay married.” Of course you wouldn’t. Because you are in it for the long haul. You know that over time, you will work things out, and areas of doubt will be clarified.

Our relationship with Jesus is no different. Of course there will be times of doubt. Unless we’re just playing it safe.

Why do you doubt, you of little faith? Why do I doubt? I doubt when I forget who this God is that I’m dealing with. I doubt when I quit stopping to remember the things that God has done with me in the past. I doubt when I forget I’m walking with Jesus for the long haul. In fact, it seems like the only time I don’t doubt…is when I’m safely in the boat.

And honest to God, I’d rather doubt.