Sermons

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Sexuality and the Holy
October 26, 2003
Pastor Dan Baumgartner
8th in a series on “Tough Issues”
Genesis 1:27-28, 2:24-25; John 8:1-11

It’s great to be back with you. A week ago last Friday, I went to Sea-Tac Airport in the horizontal sheet rain that morning…and flew to Scottsdale, Arizona, where it was 103 degrees. I had a great time speaking at the first Alpha retreat that Valley Presbyterian has held, and then preached at the church on Sunday. My friend Steve and I had enough time after church on Sunday to hike up Camelback Mountain, and sit on top in that intense sun, looking out over the valley of the sun. I was told they had not seen a cloud for three weeks. Then I got back on the plane, came back here, and woke up to five inches of rain on Monday! There has to be a way to redistribute this stuff!

Next week we will begin a series taking us through the Old Testament book of Isaiah that will last all the way until Easter. In fact, I want to recommend Isaiah to you for your reading during the week. Next Sunday we’ll look at a passage in chapter 6, the call of Isaiah to ministry, but we’ll more or less make our way through the whole book in these months. It is an incredibly rich book that will challenge us and grow us as we listen for God together.

Today is the last sermon in our short series on Tough Issues for Faith. In these last weeks, we have talked two times about the Bible, and how we might hear God in scripture. We’ve looked at the issues of economic injustice, the presence of evil, the exclusivity of the Christian faith, and the different pictures of God that seem to appear in the Old and New Testaments. It’s not a bad list, especially given that we’ve been able to completely solve each one of those issues in just 20-25 minutes! This morning, the last of the tough topics is sexuality. And I want to invite you to look at two passages in Genesis with me.

Genesis 1:27-28, 2:24-25

As I prepared this week, many, many times I had this thought: Why do I want to preach on this topic? It’s hard, it’s emotional, it’s controversial. And our congregation here has many diverse experiences and opinions that I know about even before I read my emails next Tuesday! But it seemed silly to preach a series on hard topics for faith…and ignore sexuality. We are confronted with it at every turn.

Many years ago, when one of our boys was just eight years old, a neighbor who was actually a year younger…invited him to stay overnight. The movie of choice that night at the neighbor’s house was going to be one that Anne and I had seen. It was a PG-13 movie that had a very explicit scene of a couple (one person married to someone else) having sex. We asserted our rights as parents and said “No.” The 7-year-old neighbor kid, who had already seen the movie several times, wanted to know why we wouldn’t allow them to watch it. We said, “We don’t think you guys are old enough to see some of the things in that movie.” And his answer was, “It’s just love.” Is it?

Let’s start at the beginning, first with the creation of human beings, then with the idea of marriage, and then with the topic of sex.

When God made human beings, “On the sixth day… God created them in his image, male and female he created them.” God did not make sexless beings. Sexuality was built in. Male and female. The differences are essential to humanity…and yet somehow together they are God’s image. The woman is made in God’s image, and so is the man, but they reflect the image of God in relation to one another. That is how God made people. This isn’t so surprising because, as far as we understand God, He is relational in his own very nature, Father Son and Holy Spirit.

And so if men and women reflect the image of God, it is like this: in relation to one another. “Unity in differentiation” is a term many theologians like to use. Males and females are made differentiated (different from one another), and yet unite with each other (together they are the image of God). The yearning for the other…is in some way, some mysterious way, a reflection of our yearning for God. The desire to know and to be known fully. All of this is at work in God’s creation of the human being.

Then the woman and man, made in the image of God…come together. “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife…” A marriage takes place between a man and a woman. It was God’s idea. He thought of it. Even today, a couple comes together, “before God and these witnesses” and swears a vow, a type of covenant. A pastor, like me, asks questions of covenant commitment: Do you promise to love…” and it’s an interesting side note that the couple is not asked about their current love for one another (do you love him right now?)…but whether they promise to love in the future…as though maybe, just maybe, love is more than a momentary thing or a short-term relationship.

The man and woman who marry covenant to be faithful, to share their lives, to grow in forgiveness and to support one another. “And they become one flesh.”

Can I just say something about SEX? Sex is a very, very good thing. I’d actually like to be quoted on that! Sex is a gift from God, an incredible gift. God invented sex. I stop and say that because somehow the word is out that “God is the great spoilsport of human sexuality, not its inventor” (Philip Yancey). When I meet with couples for premarital counseling, we talk about sex. And I always start by saying: “You have to know…that I think sex is an amazing gift of God.” Because the last thing I want them to think is that sex is something dirty, dark or forbidden.

What happens when a man and a woman come together, when the two become one flesh, when they are sexually intimate? What happens is an amazingly holy thing. The way scripture describes us human beings is that we are whole people. In Genesis 2, God made a human body and then breathed life into it…we are unmistakably body and soul together. And what happens in sexual intimacy is that the two are melded together: body and soul, physical and spiritual. They are intricately related, and what happens to one happens to the other. The uniting of the differentiated happens, the longing to fully know and be fully known that we feel ultimately for God…in a mirrored way takes place with a man and a woman. It is holy ground. It is a sacramental act. It’s why Hebrews says, “Marriage must be held in honor, and the marriage bed must be kept undefiled.”

Now you are going to have to admit, I think, that this sounds very different from how our society teaches us about sex. In this day, sex is a physical act. Period. We write books about it, we do lab experiments, we teach the techniques of the physical act. Every movie, every television show, every advertisement shows sex to be a physical act of the moment to be enjoyed for the moment…or as the ultimate way to manipulate another person.

I don’t watch a lot of TV, but lately the World Series has been on (and I’m so very pleased with how it ended!), and Anne has found me parked downstairs in front of the TV a couple times. Honestly, friends, maybe it’s because I don’t watch much TV, but my jaw drops just from watching the commercials and the ads for upcoming shows. I think I have seen some 30 times an ad for an upcoming show about a “forbidden relationship,” which is characterized several times in the 30-second ad by passionate sex. Another 30-40 ads have run for the next generation of “Let’s-see-if-we-can-fool-a-whole-group-of-beautiful-women-by-having-them-fall-all-over-a-good-looking-man-who-they-think-is-rich-but-really-isn’t” type of shows. And every ad for any number of upcoming sitcoms feature people having affairs, talking about affairs, wishing they were having affairs, or picking up someone at a bar. Sex is a momentary, physical act that is quite casual and exploratory.

What scripture teaches about sex is that it is a holy act, a yearning for the other which somehow hints of our yearning for God. It is not casual at all. It is something very profound. It is holy. It is more than physical. Here is how Craig Barnes says it:

“When you engage in sex, you are not just touching someone’s body. You’re touching their soul. This is why there is so much hurt and guilt tied up with sex. It’s because we lost the holiness of the act and didn’t realize people were putting their hands on our soul.”

It’s why sexual abuse of every kind is so very painful. It’s why one night stands are so empty, it’s why engaging in sex outside of the marriage covenant is so damaging. It’s why I tell couples that physical intimacy is a wonderful companion to spiritual intimacy. Sex is a way to express the holistic intimacy God intended for marriage…not a way of creating that intimacy. And by itself, it is not only less than satisfying, it is often damaging. Somehow we need to get back to understanding God’s amazing design for man and woman, and the wonderful presence of holiness in our sexuality.

So…you are single. What does this mean? It means that you were created with sexuality as part of who you are, man or woman. That your gender, your sexuality, is an essential part of who you are…but being sexually active is not. The complementarity which man AND woman bring together to reflect God’s image can occur within the wider community. Sexual activity is not a necessity or a requirement nor is it a right. The deep yearning which is ultimately for God can be fulfilled by God. Having sex or, in Barnes’ words, “allowing someone to grab hold of your soul” without the commitment of covenant… never works. Believe me. It is always painful. It throws dirt onto the holy. The body is not the only thing involved.

The Bible puts some very sacred words to this. “Do you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you?” Paul says. A temple. A meeting place with God. The meeting occurs, as so many things do with God, in the context of covenant.

And so, acts of sex outside of the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman are the things the Bible identifies as sin. They are things outside of God’s design and desire. What I see, and hear about and counsel through in painful situation after painful situation…are all the places where we have gone a different direction. Let me give you three quick pictures:

1) An engaged couple comes to me wanting to be married, and we begin premarital counseling. The first time we meet, and though it can be a little awkward…(in fact, usually now I just say, “This will be a little awkward! I’ve known you for 20 minutes, and we’re going to talk about sex) but I ask them to make a vow, a covenant, to NOT engage in sexual activity until after the wedding. Why? Because it is putting hands on one another’s soul without the foundation of committed covenant. Experimenting sexually during this time abbreviates the engagement time, which is to be a time to get to know one another in a host of different ways. It abbreviates it because sex is such a powerful and overwhelming draw. God has designed it a different way…the final consummation of sharing body and spirit is holy ground. But it’s not just outside marriage:

2) John Stott tells the story of a man who came to him, a married man who said,

“I have fallen in love with another woman. I know I have a wife and family. But this new relationship is the real thing. We were made for each other. Our love has a quality and a depth we have never known before. It must be right.”

And Stott had to answer,

“It is not right. It is not from God. No one is justified in breaking a covenant of marriage, the holy ground of God, based on (a feeling of) the quality of love. That is not the only yardstick to measure what is good and right.”

But it’s not just marriage:

3) A woman shares with me that after 10 years of marriage and a child, her husband has gone off with a gay lover, and decided to come out of the closet.

It’s just love. Is it?

The Bible speaks to marriage, to singleness, to sexual activity outside of marriage whether one is single or married. It also speaks to this hot-button issue for our culture, and for the church, the practice of homosexuality. This, like each of the others, could also be a whole separate topic, but it is not at all unrelated. When Genesis speaks to the design of God’s creation of the human being, it knows only of man and woman, in complementarity, unity in differentiation, as the reflection of God’s image. When it speaks about marriage, it knows only of marriage between a man and a woman.

There are, of course, some sections of scripture that deal directly with homosexuality. I’m going to just give you these references because we don’t have time to dig into each one this morning. The most commonly referred to are in Genesis 19:1-13, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah…Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13, very explicit prohibitions to homosexual behavior. In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:8-11 have long lists of things outside of God’s desire for us, including homosexual behavior. Romans 1:18-32 is the most direct reference to the theological basis behind homosexual behavior being outside of God’s intention and desire. Paul uses it as a graphic image of the way human fallenness, human rebellion against God…has distorted the Creator’s design.

I keep up with this topic regularly. But this week, I have spent hours on these texts again, revisiting each one and many of the arguments heard in our day trying to find Christian and Biblical justification for honoring gay, sexually active relationships. I honestly don’t think you can do it. It’s just not there. Now, understand that the word against homosexual behavior is NOT one of the major themes of the Bible. The scripture spends a small amount of time dealing with it. And, to be honest, I believe that the church has spent far too much time and energy on it compared to other things. Scripture spends far more time on other issues…say, the treatment of the poor by the wealthy. I wish we would put the time and passion into this issue that we have to homosexuality.

Nevertheless, it IS a major topic today. I am probably asked about it as much as any other single topic. As far as the Biblical witness, I believe it is univocal AGAINST homosexual practice. There is nothing in scripture that speaks supportively in any way. Every time it is mentioned, it is in the negative. As far as the Bible goes, the intention for sexuality is male AND female. The design for marriage is male and female. The intimacy of sex is to be in covenant, man and woman. The alternative is to be chaste outside of marriage.

Is that a difficult word in this day and age? Of course it is. Is it a difficult thing in our day, when we have friends and family members painfully wrestling with this? Of course it is. Is it a difficult thing to live out, in this day when sexual images bombard us every day, when sexual gratification is seen as a sacred right, when celibacy is seen as an unjust fate worse than death? Of course it is. But that does not change what the witness of the individual scriptures is, nor the design of creation laid out in Genesis.

I have followed with great interest, as I know you have, the agony that our brothers and sisters in the Episcopal Church are going through in electing a gay Bishop, V. Gene Robinson. In an article in the Seattle Times last week, it said “(some) Anglican leaders…have called homosexuality ‘contrary to Scripture.’ Robinson and his supporters say that is outweighed by the Scripture’s call for love and acceptance of all.” I think it is very confused, and extremely non-scriptural to say that love and acceptance must be defined as supporting behavior that has so clearly been called contrary to God’s desire. It’s just love. Is it?

Sexual relationships outside of marriage between a man and a woman: unmarried, extramarital, homosexual…If you want me to affirm that ANY of these are God’s intention or desire…I cannot. But we dare not stop there:

If you ask me to acknowledge that we are disordered people, full of sin and distortion in so many other areas and in need of repentance, I will say Yes.

If you ask me to say that the church has messed up horribly in how it has dealt with people struggling with sexual issues, I will say Yes.

If you ask me to say that the church’s word in this area, down through history, has been horribly weakened because of the hypocrisy of its pastors and leaders, I will say Yes.

If you ask me to say that all of us are on a journey, and we need to walk gently with each other, I will say Yes.

If you want me to say that God’s grace is sufficient for all of this…Yes, yes, yes.

One last thing. What about our past, yours and mine? What about when we have blown it sexually already, and the holy thing God has made was long ago distorted? Remember…that we have all failed, every one of us. Jesus said if you even look on another person with lust, you have already committed adultery in your heart. It’s not just about the body. We are each one guilty, aren’t we? Have your thoughts dwelt only on the holy? Have your thoughts put your hands on someone else’s soul, or theirs on yours? There is no room for self-righteousness or smugness here. There is only room together to look for the good news.

The good news that Christ taught and embodied, is that we have every opportunity to repent, to confess and turn around and receive God’s forgiveness. We are not condemned to be or do what our past has been. The image of God in us is at every moment able to be restored, we can be made new again, and made holy by God’s grace.

When Jesus met with the hostile crowd and the woman who had been caught in adultery…what were his words? There were two…and thank God he didn’t just say one or the other.

“Neither do I condemn you.”
“Go and sin no more.”

THAT… is love.